can't sleep.......

   This week has been a roller coaster of emotion for me to say the least! Everyday this week I received cards from random strangers with gift cards in them all saying the same thing, "Just paying it forward and thought your family could use some Christmas cheer!" I may never find out how or why those people sent us those cards but I will never stop thinking about them and how generous that was. This was my happy part of the week. Then just when I started believing that there was hope for mankind and that there was still good in this world, I saw the news on Friday. This was my sad part. I just can't stop thinking about those kids and parents and how they are going to keep living their lives without their kids. How on Christmas morning they won't be crowded around the tree to see what Santa brought laughing and smiling. I haven't been able to shake this feeling of guilt that I get to have that with my kids and some don't. Maizy got in trouble today for eating half a candy cane and then sticking the rest to the dog's ear because she didn't want to take it to the trashcan, and I keep thinking about how lucky I am that my child got into trouble today. Although she's in trouble everyday, and tomorrow I might not be so appreciative, today I am thankful for my little 4 year old who talks back and throws fits, and my nine year olds who never clean up after themselves and expect me to entertain them every second! These are things I complain about, but after this week I am reminded how precious those things are and how those parents will ache and long for their babies to make messes and talk back to them. I know there is good in this world, I've witnessed it this week, but I sure wish there was more of it! I've never felt so lucky to be a mom in my life and no matter what hardships we are facing right now, it's ok. I have my family and that's all I need.