Wow things in my life are changing! My big girls will be 9 in a few months and heading off into the 3rd grade. Maizy is practically an adult, and in August, I will have been married for ten years!!! Now that I'm here, it seems like it went by fast, but when I think back on certain times and remember all it's taken to get here, I realize it has been a LONG journey so far. I feel like I've done an OK job with my kids. They don't pose any real threats to society (minus Maizy on her bad days) and they seem to genuinely love me most of the time. To them I'm just their mom right now. We haven't reached that stage in life where we can say we are friends. That comes much later after the one where they hate me and they think they know everything. They don't really know who I am yet. They think I'm just the person who washes their clothes and makes their lunches. I make the rules and tell them how things are going to be. They think I do this because I have to, not because I want to. They don't know that inside everyday I'm in a panic worrying about them, and thinking about their futures. They don't know that my favorite color is pink, or that I keep one of my grandmother's old shirts in my dresser drawer because it still smells like her. They don't know the things I did as a teenager, or why or how my best friend became my best friend. They might not ever know these things.
There is a lot I don't know about MY mom. Until recently. To me, my mom has always been "that lady who raised me." We didn't enter the "friend phase" until I had kids of my own. As a new mom with twins, I needed help and advice. She gave me that. She loves my girls. I appreciate that. My mom is a diabetic. She is overweight, and she has smoked for 36 years. She's what some would call "hard headed." She doesn't let anybody push her around and that is unfortunately a trait I did not pick up! A couple of months ago she decided things needed to be different. I don't know exactly what brought this on, but she has stopped smoking, she joined a gym and has been going everyday, she has lost 15 pounds so far and she is determined to reverse her diabetes! Anyone who knows my mom, knows this is HUGE!! I can't even begin to explain how proud I am of her. It takes a lot of strength to set a goal and reach it. Although she's not there yet, she's trying harder than I've ever seen her try at anything. I didn't know she had it in her. I thought I knew my mom, but I guess I only knew one side of her. I still don't know everything there is to know, but I do know she's smart, strong, determined, loving, and LOVED! Seeing my mom become someone else has made me think about how my kids see me. I hope they would say that I'm kind, and funny and that I always put them first and take good care of them. I hope they would say that they know I'm not perfect, but it's ok, they love me anyway. I think I'm going to shoot for that and hope I end up close! Anyway, I'm so proud of you mom, keep up the hard work! I know you can do it!!!! xoxo
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