Figuring Out Fourteen

If parenting came with a manual, I would skip straight to the “teenage years” chapter. That is the one that I’m currently on and having the most issues with. I mean there are always hard parts when your kids are little. Potty training, attitudes, homework, and bedtime wars are all normal things when they are little. We expect those things to be difficult. Teenagers are different. I didn’t expect this chapter to be so emotionally draining for all of us.

My teens are good girls. They get good grades, they are involved in school, they don’t break the rules and for the most part, they don’t ever really get into trouble. That’s great! So what’s the problem? Well believe it or not, THAT’S the problem. Unfortunately, there is always more focus put on the bad things. Watch the evening news. It’s 55 minutes of “who got shot” and “who got robbed” and only 5 minutes of a heartwarming story. I feel like this has spilled over into our everyday lives. When my kids get home from school in the afternoons they always talk about their day and usually it’s about how they couldn’t get their work done because it was too loud in class or they had to run extra laps because someone got caught holding hands with their boyfriend so the whole team had to suffer. Sometimes the bad outshines the good. Sometimes the good goes unnoticed, not heard, and gets lost in the chaos. This is the hard part.

They are still kids no matter how much the world wants to make them adults. How do you convince them that they are valuable and on the right path? We are their parents, we are supposed to think that way. How do I make my child understand that not making a team or losing a friend is not the end of the world and the things they are doing now aren’t the BIG things in life. I was the same way when I was their age and I survived. But it’s so much more heartbreaking when it’s your child that is going through the pain of things and no matter how insignificant you know it will be in their lifetime, at that moment, it’s hard. It’s all part of growing up, I know, but it feels like it’s me that is having to do most of the growing up. Learning to let your kids hurt and make their own decisions and speak up for themselves is something I thought would be easy. But it’s not. I can’t make the world appreciate them for who they are, I have to hope that they will appreciate themselves for who they become. They are not invisible no matter how much they think they are right now. I see them and they are amazing. When this “teenage years” chapter is over, I hope they see that too.